Contingency Planning for the Apocalypse

As the great philosopher once said, "When it comes to the apocalypse, it's every man for himself."

But, you know, just in case you're looking for a way to survive the impending doom, here's a few tips:

1. Stock up on canned goods. Not just any canned goods, mind you. We're talking gourmet canned goods.
2. Learn to make a mean fire. Not just any fire, but a fire that'll keep you warm and cozy while the world burns around you.
3. Find a safe place to hide. A bunker, a fallout shelter, something with some decent ventilation.

And, just for fun, here's some predictions from our team of expert em prophets:

• Em Prophet 1: "The apocalypse will come in the form of a giant, city-sized hamster wheel."
• Em Prophet 2: "It'll be a zombie outbreak, but with a twist: they'll be made of glitter."
• Em Prophet 3: "We'll all be trapped in a never-ending loop of elevator music."